Finding (and re-finding) Your Religion

 

For me, spirituality begins with the atom. The atom is an amazing collection of energy, organized into bits of interrelated energies that connect with other collections of interrelated energies.

If you followed that, congratulations! You might be neurodivergent.

But I digress. The point of the energy talk, above, is at the subatomic level, everything we are, and everything with which we are surrounded is, at its most fundamental level, energy.

Spoilers: Every single world religion, spirituality, and belief system is humanity’s attempts to make sense of ourselves and everything with which we are surrounded. We feel the energy in the wind, and we hear it from the living things around us. We are drawn to inanimate objects, and we imbue them with life and personality. We create gods, and we worship. Our gods fail us, and we abandon them in search of better gods. Alternatively, we reject the very idea of a God or gods, and we become our own.

None of this is necessarily wrong; neither is it necessarily right. The hard truth is that whatever god, religion, spirituality, science, pragmatism, or philosophy you choose, it will fail you. Life is really hard. The universe is full of mysteries we cannot now, nor will we ever necessarily explain. And, that’s okay. You’re not required to get this right. Frankly, anyone who threatens you with eternal hellfire for being unable to remain perfectly certain of one belief system through all the seasons and challenges of life is an ableist jerk. Tell them your mom said so.

Why do I say ableist? I say that because not everyone is “able” to invest the time, energy, finances, and intellect required to even understand a single world religion or philosophy, let alone the innumerable options available to you. It’s also, by the way, classist, and ageist, and… I think you get the point.

This is why religious leaders exist. Some people have this ability, time, finances, energy, etc. Some of this subset of humanity wants to share what they’ve learned. I am one of those people, and as a representative of the, “we’re really good at figuring out what makes people spiritually tick and leading them,” club, I must warn you that those of us who simply “must” share our beliefs with the world do so for our own reasons. Some of those reasons are beautiful and lovely, like, “I just want everyone to know they’re loved.” Some of those reasons are terrifying, like, “I want to form a cult that will provide me with endless adoration and bottomless financial resources. I’d also like lots of kinky sex. I might even like to see some human sacrifice….”

Since every human feels this subatomic energy thing reality has going on, and we all need some kind of spiritual health, even if that’s, “I’m happy to report that I don’t HAVE a spirit, nor do I want one,” I must advise you, as your mother, to choose something that works for you.

Here’s what to look for:
A spiritual practice that helps you to feel grounded and/or stable.
A healthy, or at least entertaining, membership with whom you can see yourself connecting and finding friends or companionship.
A sense of mystery. You don’t have to believe in anything transcendent or divine in order to find this. Even hard-core materialism retains a sense of mystery, because there’s SO MUCH we can’t explain about our physical reality. Anyone who has had an undiagnosed medical condition will know exactly what I’m talking about.

Here’s what to avoid:


Cargo Vans. (This is not just religious advice. If you’re walking to your car, and there’s a cargo van parked next to you in the parking lot, turn around and go back inside. Have security walk you out.)
Super charismatic pastors, gurus, etc. who have gathered cults of personality and obvious wealth around them. Whatever they’re selling is DEFINITELY for their benefit, rather than yours.
Any group that requires you to violate your conscience.
Any group or individual that links financial donations to spiritual benefits of any kind.

Finally, whether you land in a traditional, Western religion, a traditional, Eastern religion, an indigenous to your ancestors or the land on which you live, a fancy new religion, or a loose collection of folks who have no idea what they believe but happen to share some spiritual practices, don’t be a jerk about it. Religion and Spirituality are extremely personal and often deeply traumatizing. Don’t try to force your beliefs down anyone else’s throat, and definitely don’t think for one minute that your choice makes you superior to people who made a different one. Hold your beliefs lightly, and get ready to be disappointed. You will encounter challenges in life that rock every belief you have. You’ll find your ground again, because beliefs are meant to grow and change.

We all need some way to relate to the energy of the universe in and around us. We all need connection with others. Religion and spirituality, at their best, provide these things. Keep it simple, and enjoy your people and your practice. I hope it brings you comfort and strength.

Love,
Mom

    I’m Your Mom, Now…

    Once upon a time, I noticed that I wasn’t the only orphan in the world. I also noticed that many people I knew and loved were orphaned not by death, but by DIFFERENCES. Their differences from their parents, whether it be politics, religion, sexual orientation, career choices, parenting choices, etc., had effectively left them without a “mom”

    And by “MOM,” I mean that person you call when you need advice from someone you can count on to have your back, to be honest (sometimes brutally so), to be on your team, even when that means pissing you off, to be mad when someone wrongs you, and to listen to you cry.

    By “MOM,” I mean that person you want to tell when you “win:” when you overcome obstacles and fears, finish in first place, get a new job, learn a new thing, etc. I mean the person who will celebrate YOU, just because you’re YOU.

    By “MOM,” I mean the person who teaches you the things you’re ashamed to admit you don’t already know, or the things you’re afraid to ask. I mean the person who will teach you about sex, positive relationship skills, cooking, shopping, navigating TOUGH conversations, standing up for yourself (especially in medical and educational contexts!), breastfeeding, the meaning of life, religion and spirituality, ethics, etc.

    Once upon a time, I heard a small voice (I think it was my own…) within me, saying, “You ARE the woman you’re looking for…” and I felt frustrated, because I wanted that woman to be external to myself. I wanted her to be someone who existed “out there,” where I could call upon her, myself.

    Then I discovered that being that woman for others gave me opportunities to feel that support vicariously. I discovered that I COULD build relationships with other women that were MUTUALLY supportive. I discovered that I could be that woman for myself, by radically accepting myself, right where I am, every day. Finally, I discovered that we EACH have that woman within us, and that every other person I know needs permission to be the woman we’re looking for. So this is YOUR permission: Enjoy what’s freely offered, here. Then, please pass it on. We all need support.

    Once upon a time, I decided to start podcasting, in the hopes that all the things I simply must share will be helpful to others. I share in the hopes that all my fellow orphans will find a Mother’s heart, a Mother’s wisdom, a Mother’s practical advice, a Mother’s acceptance, and a Mother’s availability, here.